Dear Friend,
What does it take to make an interfaith marriage work? Ultimately, it all boils down to respect, love, understanding, and clear communication, just like any other marriage. However, when a couple decides to embark upon an interfaith marriage, they will likely encounter a number of challenges and trials that other couples probably will not have to face.
Before a wedding can even be planned, many parents express their unease at leting their son or daughter marry a man or woman of a faith that is not their own. In my interview with Jacqi Loewy, who writes and directs plays revolving around interfaith relationships, she said that many parents who are against interfaith marriage are afraid that the religion or culture that has played an integral part in their lives will be lost to future generations once their child marries outside their faith.
One very important step that must be taken before going ahead with an interfaith marriage is for the couple to really think about their future, discuss details, and foster a respect for each other’s feelings and individual beliefs. Too many people get married without first discussing their beliefs, Loewy said, and this can prove to be detrimental to a marriage. Equally important, said Andrew Tevington, assistant pastor at the United Methodist Church of the Servant in Oklahoma City, is that a couple “planning an interfaith marriage should work out in advance the details of where holidays will be spent, which holidays of each religion will be celebrated and how all members of each person’s family will know what to expect.”
Another potential problem arises if the couple decides to have children. In which parent’s faith will they be brought up in? Will they attend Bible school at dad’s church or go to temple with mom instead? Will the family eat meat or will they be strict vegetarians? Will the family continue practicing any religion at all? For some couples this part of their lives is easy to deal with because one partner does not have strong convictions about the religion he or she was raised in and is therefore willing to raise the children in the other partner’s religious tradition. Other couples, however, have strong convictions about two separate religions and this can lead to many difficult issues. For example, if one parent tries to force their religion on the kids or doesn’t allow for equal exposure to the other’s religion, a lasting bitterness and tension can form. But not every couple with differing views on religion has to choose one over the other. In some cases, couples manage to merge their two religions together and allow their kids to experience aspects of both, giving them the chance to make their own decisions about which religion, if any, is right for them.
What does it take to make an interfaith marriage work? Ultimately, it all boils down to respect, love, understanding, and clear communication, just like any other marriage. However, when a couple decides to embark upon an interfaith marriage, they will likely encounter a number of challenges and trials that other couples probably will not have to face.
Before a wedding can even be planned, many parents express their unease at leting their son or daughter marry a man or woman of a faith that is not their own. In my interview with Jacqi Loewy, who writes and directs plays revolving around interfaith relationships, she said that many parents who are against interfaith marriage are afraid that the religion or culture that has played an integral part in their lives will be lost to future generations once their child marries outside their faith.
One very important step that must be taken before going ahead with an interfaith marriage is for the couple to really think about their future, discuss details, and foster a respect for each other’s feelings and individual beliefs. Too many people get married without first discussing their beliefs, Loewy said, and this can prove to be detrimental to a marriage. Equally important, said Andrew Tevington, assistant pastor at the United Methodist Church of the Servant in Oklahoma City, is that a couple “planning an interfaith marriage should work out in advance the details of where holidays will be spent, which holidays of each religion will be celebrated and how all members of each person’s family will know what to expect.”
Another potential problem arises if the couple decides to have children. In which parent’s faith will they be brought up in? Will they attend Bible school at dad’s church or go to temple with mom instead? Will the family eat meat or will they be strict vegetarians? Will the family continue practicing any religion at all? For some couples this part of their lives is easy to deal with because one partner does not have strong convictions about the religion he or she was raised in and is therefore willing to raise the children in the other partner’s religious tradition. Other couples, however, have strong convictions about two separate religions and this can lead to many difficult issues. For example, if one parent tries to force their religion on the kids or doesn’t allow for equal exposure to the other’s religion, a lasting bitterness and tension can form. But not every couple with differing views on religion has to choose one over the other. In some cases, couples manage to merge their two religions together and allow their kids to experience aspects of both, giving them the chance to make their own decisions about which religion, if any, is right for them.
Interfaith marriages are inevitably challenging. But with
love, respect, and communication, it can prove to be a gift for the couple, a
way to enrich their relationship in a deep and meaningful way as well as an
opportunity for their families to learn and understand more about a faith that
is not their own.
Sources:
http://www.religioustolerance.org/ifm_fact.html
Personal interview with Jacqi Loewy
Photos:
Top Sanjan Austa's Flickr photostream
Bottom Sneakymoose's photostream
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